The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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