I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
