you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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