I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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