Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
