Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
