If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
