in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
NoShamevember. You game?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
