Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
