no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
