We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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