You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
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We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize