i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
