I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
