I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
