My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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