in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize