My cat gives me a boner
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
