Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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