im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the day after is always just damage control
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
