god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
