Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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