I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
