Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
