You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
wanna go halves on a baby?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
