I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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