I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
