I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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