Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
