I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize