We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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