I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
