i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
