Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
