I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She told me I should be a condom model.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize