Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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