fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
