32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
