I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
