My underwear smells like fireworks.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize