last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
