I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
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There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
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FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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