This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
