look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
