Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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