i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
