went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
