And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
