You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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