It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
