You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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