dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
