TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
