Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
