I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize