Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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