Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
