i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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