I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
