You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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