the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
