this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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