Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
