My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
