Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
