I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
