what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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